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Miss America has two boyfriends…

Miss California has two boyfriends, Jonathan Quick and you, Jonathan Bernier. She wants to date both and choose her steady boyfriend at some point in the future. She’s kind of leaning toward Quick. Then she wins Miss America. Then she marries Quick. But she would still like to pay you a visit every once in awhile. Not very often, but just when her new husband needs a rest. 

Tuesday’s Must Read: “some stories are better backwards.”

Ellen Etchingham: Patrick Roy has transcended the mundane positional errors and puckhandling miscues of ordinary goalies. He’s invented a whole new caliber of screwing up. And, after seventeen seasons of seeing every kind of shot and every kind of shooter hockey has to offer a hundred times over, he’s invented the only sort of mistake that could still, at that late date, fuck with his head.

Ellen Etchingham, theory_of_ice, MUST READ [CAM JANSSEN CONTENT]

If Janssen’s shit actually worked the way he described, the Devils would be playing him fifteen minutes a night on the top line so he could terrify opposing forwards into coughing the puck up for Kovalchuk. Instead, they don’t dress him for half the regular season and not even one playoff game, and when they do let him play, they give him only five of the very softest minutes against the easiest opposition. Cam Janssen plays the tenderest, juiciest minutes in the game and he still gets roundly crushed in more or less every available metric, including fights [...]. You know what that means? It means Cam Janssen can’t scare anyone out of anything. [...] The only people who are really intimidated are the Devils’ coaching staff, who are patently scared to have Janssen on the ice in any game or situation that actually matters.

Fat Broads You Regret Banging Win Stanley Cup

Meanwhile you, Cam Janssen, aren’t even allowed access to us — the Stanley-Cup Champion Los Angeles Fat Broads — because you didn’t dress for a single game the entire playoffs. Devils’ Cam Janssen calls LA Kings ‘the fat broads you just…

Bernier “expects” to be traded? [also: POLL]

Jonathan Bernier has the cup today in Quebec, and there have been a number of trade-related tweets as a result. Recap: Bernier tells us he asked to be traded near the deadline, #Kings refused. He expects 2be traded close to…